Well I presented the options to him and he took the re-start one. So it's looks like I will be:
Removing rock
Putting fish into a temp tank
Siphoning gravel thoroughly while draining entire tank
Acclimating fish to fresh SW
Filling tank with new SW
Putting temporary fake decor in tank to give fish structure/territory
Rinsing bio-balls (why not)
Put fish back in
Seeding scrubber (somehow)
Ensure that scrubber will maintain low nutrients
Nuke Rock with HCL, powerwash, then Vinegar, then powerwash, then RODI soak (according to Spotter on RC, this works)
Build existing rock into 1/2 of final structure (using Golden Ratio, I will add more rock for the other half of tank)
Probably add some of the BioSipra stuff or whatever the really nasty smelling stuff is that iiluisii told me about
Wait to make sure tank w/scrubber is performing effective filtration
Add second rock structure
Replace sump, add in skimmer, remove bio-balls a little at a time until LR is fully effective
Remove non-reef-safe fish & sell
Add corals and new fish
Replace lighting
Thus begins Chapter 3 of this tank's life...